Methods

Name it to tame it

Name it to tame it is a phrase for a simple idea: when a feeling is strong, putting words on it can make it easier to hold. You say what you feel in a few specific words, check that they fit, and let the feeling sit there for a minute. It does not remove the feeling.

By the Leeway team · Checked against 2 sources · Updated October 17, 2026

Some evenings the problem is not what happened but the buzzing under it. You snap at someone you love over a small thing, then spend an hour in a sour mood without being able to say what kind. The feeling is loud mostly because it has no name yet.

The phrase name it to tame it is associated with Dan Siegel, a psychiatrist and author who writes about the brain and relationships. We describe the idea in our own words here and do not quote him. It has a research cousin, called affect labeling, and a very practical version you can try in three minutes.

How to name a feeling

  1. Pause and look for it in your bodyNotice where the feeling sits: a tight jaw, a heavy chest, restless hands. The body often gives the first clue before the words arrive, and it slows you down enough to be accurate.
  2. Start with a plain word, then sharpen itSay I feel, and use whatever comes first, even if it is just bad. Then look for a more exact word: irritated or hurt, anxious or embarrassed, worn out or lonely. A short list of candidates is fine.
  3. Check whether the word fitsSay it and notice what happens inside. If it lands, you will often feel a small click. If it does not, try the next word. Being slightly wrong is useful, because it points you to the right one.
  4. Add what it is about, in one sentenceAfter the word, say what the feeling seems to be attached to. I feel irritated, and it is mostly about the whole day, not the juice. Keep it to one sentence and do not argue the case.
  5. Let it be there for a minuteStop talking and stay with it for about a minute. You are not trying to make it leave. You are giving it a name and a place, and seeing what it does next.

What to say

  1. Right now I feel…

  2. It might be more like… than…

  3. Under that, there is also…

  4. It is mostly about…

  5. It is fine for it to be here for a minute.

See it on an example evening

Here is the method said out loud by a parent after a rough bedtime, in about a minute and a half, and what Leeway is designed to show once he stops. The evening is an example written by the Leeway team.

You say it out loud

What did tonight feel like?

0:00

Okay. Let me just say what this is.

I snapped at Ben over spilled juice. Really snapped. Over juice.

I'm irritated. Just irritated, all of it, all day.

The inbox, the commute, the dishwasher that broke again.

And I feel kind of guilty. Under the irritated there's guilty.

Okay. Irritated and guilty. And tired, mostly tired.

Leeway shows

Tense, then tired.

Tense · 50 sthe spilled juice
Weary · 25 sending the day tired

Emotional reserve

35

Dipped

Mental load

74

Heavy

In your own words

The juice

  • You snapped at Ben over spilled juice, and it stayed with you
  • You named irritated first, then guilty underneath Tense

The whole day

  • The inbox, the commute and the broken dishwasher were all part of it Mental load
  • You ended on tired more than anything else Weary

As Tuesday winds down

Sit down with a glass of water for five minutes before the dishes, you ended the evening tired more than anything.

5 min · Tomorrow

An example evening written by the Leeway team, shown the way Leeway is designed to show it. Leeway is not out yet.

Why it can help

The research cousin of this idea is called affect labeling. In a brain-imaging study published in 2007, participants looked at negative emotional images while doing different tasks. When they put a word to the emotion in an image, the response of the amygdala, a region involved in emotional reactions, was smaller than during other kinds of tasks, and a region of the right prefrontal cortex was more active. The authors suggested that labeling may reduce emotional reactivity along that pathway.

That is a careful result, not a slogan. It was a lab task with pictures, not a bad evening at home, and activity in the brain is not the same as feeling better. Still, it fits what many people notice for themselves: a feeling with a word on it is easier to look at than a vague one. The National Institute of Mental Health also lists keeping a journal among everyday ways to cope with stress, and naming what you feel is a natural thing to put in one.

When it does not work, and what to try

  • Every word feels wrong: say the closest one and add or maybe, the fit improves as you go
  • You spiral into reasons: keep to one sentence about what it is about, then stop
  • You expect the feeling to disappear: the aim is to hold it more easily, so judge by that
  • You only name the harsh word: leave room for a second feeling underneath, such as guilt below irritation

Questions

What does name it to tame it mean?

It is a short way of saying that putting words on a strong feeling can make it easier to handle. The phrase is associated with Dan Siegel. It does not mean the feeling goes away, only that you hold it with a little more room.

Is there research behind it?

There is related work on affect labeling. One 2007 brain-imaging study found that naming the emotion in an image was linked to a smaller amygdala response than other tasks. It was a lab experiment with pictures, so it supports the idea without proving it for every evening.

What if I cannot find the word?

Start with something rough like bad, tight or off, then try a few candidates and see which one fits. A list of words for feelings can help, and being close is enough. You can always correct the word later.

Should I name the feeling out loud or in writing?

Either works. Saying it is quicker and easier when you are tired, and writing slows you down. If you speak into a voice journal, you can also hear the word back and change it if it was not quite right.

Leeway · AI voice journal for iPhone

Start with one evening.

Example entry · one evening in Leeway, in 15 seconds

Leeway puts words on the evening for you to check. After a couple of minutes out loud, it names the evening and the feelings it picked up from your words and voice, and you can correct it. It also shows your emotional reserve and mental load, and keeps one small step for tomorrow.

One email when Leeway opens on iPhone. Nothing else.

You're on the list.

One email when Leeway opens on iPhone. Nothing else.

Wrong address? Use another one

More methods

How to process emotionsMake room for a feeling, understand what it touches, then let it rest.Rose, bud, thornA highlight, something growing and a difficulty, in five minutes.How to do a brain dumpGet everything out of your head, then keep only what matters.

Words for what you might be feeling

On edgeIrritableOverwhelmed

Sources

We checked this page against these references. They are not affiliated with Leeway and do not endorse it.

  1. Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli (Lieberman et al., 2007, Psychological Science)Psychological Science, SAGE Publications (DOI link)
  2. I'm So Stressed Out! Fact SheetNational Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), US National Institutes of Health