# Name it to tame it > Name it to tame it is a phrase for a simple idea: when a feeling is strong, putting words on it can make it easier to hold. You say what you feel in a few specific words, check that they fit, and let the feeling sit there for a minute. It does not remove the feeling. Source: https://joinleeway.app/methods/name-it-to-tame-it/ · Methods · by the Leeway team · updated 2026-10-17 Some evenings the problem is not what happened but the buzzing under it. You snap at someone you love over a small thing, then spend an hour in a sour mood without being able to say what kind. The feeling is loud mostly because it has no name yet. The phrase name it to tame it is associated with Dan Siegel, a psychiatrist and author who writes about the brain and relationships. We describe the idea in our own words here and do not quote him. It has a research cousin, called affect labeling, and a very practical version you can try in three minutes. ## How to name a feeling 1. **Pause and look for it in your body** Notice where the feeling sits: a tight jaw, a heavy chest, restless hands. The body often gives the first clue before the words arrive, and it slows you down enough to be accurate. 2. **Start with a plain word, then sharpen it** Say I feel, and use whatever comes first, even if it is just bad. Then look for a more exact word: irritated or hurt, anxious or embarrassed, worn out or lonely. A short list of candidates is fine. 3. **Check whether the word fits** Say it and notice what happens inside. If it lands, you will often feel a small click. If it does not, try the next word. Being slightly wrong is useful, because it points you to the right one. 4. **Add what it is about, in one sentence** After the word, say what the feeling seems to be attached to. I feel irritated, and it is mostly about the whole day, not the juice. Keep it to one sentence and do not argue the case. 5. **Let it be there for a minute** Stop talking and stay with it for about a minute. You are not trying to make it leave. You are giving it a name and a place, and seeing what it does next. ## What to say - Right now I feel… - It might be more like… than… - Under that, there is also… - It is mostly about… - It is fine for it to be here for a minute. ## An example evening (written by the Leeway team; what Leeway is designed to show) Question: What did tonight feel like? > Okay. Let me just say what this is. > I snapped at Ben over spilled juice. Really snapped. Over juice. > I'm irritated. Just irritated, all of it, all day. > The inbox, the commute, the dishwasher that broke again. > And I feel kind of guilty. Under the irritated there's guilty. > Okay. Irritated and guilty. And tired, mostly tired. Title: Tense, then tired. Emotional reserve 35 (Dipped). Mental load 74 (Heavy). Map: Tense, 50 s, the spilled juice; Weary, 25 s, ending the day tired. **The juice** - You snapped at Ben over spilled juice, and it stayed with you - You named irritated first, then guilty underneath **The whole day** - The inbox, the commute and the broken dishwasher were all part of it - You ended on tired more than anything else Small step: Sit down with a glass of water for five minutes before the dishes, you ended the evening tired more than anything. (5 min, Tomorrow) ## Why it can help The research cousin of this idea is called affect labeling. In a brain-imaging study published in 2007, participants looked at negative emotional images while doing different tasks. When they put a word to the emotion in an image, the response of the amygdala, a region involved in emotional reactions, was smaller than during other kinds of tasks, and a region of the right prefrontal cortex was more active. The authors suggested that labeling may reduce emotional reactivity along that pathway. That is a careful result, not a slogan. It was a lab task with pictures, not a bad evening at home, and activity in the brain is not the same as feeling better. Still, it fits what many people notice for themselves: a feeling with a word on it is easier to look at than a vague one. The National Institute of Mental Health also lists keeping a journal among everyday ways to cope with stress, and naming what you feel is a natural thing to put in one. ## When it does not work, and what to try - Every word feels wrong: say the closest one and add or maybe, the fit improves as you go - You spiral into reasons: keep to one sentence about what it is about, then stop - You expect the feeling to disappear: the aim is to hold it more easily, so judge by that - You only name the harsh word: leave room for a second feeling underneath, such as guilt below irritation ## When a method is not enough Naming a feeling helps with ordinary hard evenings. If strong feelings last for weeks, make it hard to work, sleep or be with people, or you have thoughts of harming yourself, talk to a doctor or a licensed mental health professional. ## Questions ### What does name it to tame it mean? It is a short way of saying that putting words on a strong feeling can make it easier to handle. The phrase is associated with Dan Siegel. It does not mean the feeling goes away, only that you hold it with a little more room. ### Is there research behind it? There is related work on affect labeling. One 2007 brain-imaging study found that naming the emotion in an image was linked to a smaller amygdala response than other tasks. It was a lab experiment with pictures, so it supports the idea without proving it for every evening. ### What if I cannot find the word? Start with something rough like bad, tight or off, then try a few candidates and see which one fits. A list of words for feelings can help, and being close is enough. You can always correct the word later. ### Should I name the feeling out loud or in writing? Either works. Saying it is quicker and easier when you are tired, and writing slows you down. If you speak into a voice journal, you can also hear the word back and change it if it was not quite right. ## Sources - [Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli (Lieberman et al., 2007, Psychological Science)](https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2007.01916.x), Psychological Science, SAGE Publications (DOI link) - [I'm So Stressed Out! Fact Sheet](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/so-stressed-out-fact-sheet), National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), US National Institutes of Health --- Leeway is a new AI voice journal for iPhone, opening soon: you answer one evening question out loud for a couple of minutes, it names what you felt, shows your emotional reserve and your mental load, and keeps one small step for tomorrow. Waitlist: https://joinleeway.app/. Leeway is not a substitute for professional care. In the US, call or text 988 if you are going through a hard time, or 911 in an emergency.